Where do I belong? Is it here or there? Do I want to belong, or do I want to just be?
Time goes by,
in the blink of an eye.
Give your life to what you believe,
and finish what you wanted to achieve.
It all ends one way or another,
but the love you give lives in each other.
Somehow, it all turns out well,
and, looking forward, you begin to tell,
how your life will look,
even if you go by the book.
Start at the beginning.
You never know, you might be winning.
How I love the look on his face, when all he does is play the guitar, sing his favorite song, and smile. His face, marked after years of the same expression, staring into space, reading invisible lyrics. Peace makes him relax, look at ease, and close his eyes, as if he were sleeping. What a life, what a time! What a moment of pure love and passion, a moment of an understanding between musician, instrument and music. A song of a long life, a hard working man, and the love for his wife and his music. The life of this man, I notice. I know.
Jan 29, 2013
Jan 12, 2013
Home.
I want to find my home. The place where I can find myself, the place where I can feel identified. My place. I can't seem to get close to where I want to be, to where I want to exist, and transform into what I really am; ME. I want to be able to smile at the sky, open my mouth and let raindrops fall into it, run under showers of pouring rain, and cry whenever I want to. I want to be able to shift personalities whenever I feel like snapping at anyone, of suddenly grin at that same person. I want to be able to do those things without being judged, without being looked at strangely, without being stared at. I want to smile and cry and be aggressive mad, then laugh again, shout, scream. I want to be able to do everything I want to do, whenever I want to do it.
But labels stop me from it. I can't act that way in a world that is ruled by prejudice, and labels from everyone. I find it very hard to find myself in a place where I can't be who I really am. I want to find my inner me, and make that person rule over everything else. I know I can do it, but I just find it hard that when I have to try and make it squirm through all the problems, conflicts arise every single time I try it. People who look at me as if I were insane, eyes that stare, bodies that move away, people who feel awkwardly uncomfortable, hands and shoulders that move restlessly away. Everything happens as soon as all this goes by.
Sometimes, the fact of bringing myself to reality, and the person that resides deep in my conscience, makes the people who are close to me move closer, and those who do not know me are wary, but as I am open and have no problem in bringing them close to me, I do just that, and they do. Opening to the world is like creating a magnet inside of you, and makes you happier, makes you feel better.
Right now, I cannot say I am happy. Because I am not, and every minute that goes by does not help either; it just makes it worse.
I want to find myself the way I once did. I want to see if I can. I want to smile again, but before that, I want to talk to someone who can understand me. Nobody seems to be in that situation right now, so I have noone. I just wish so much that I would.
But labels stop me from it. I can't act that way in a world that is ruled by prejudice, and labels from everyone. I find it very hard to find myself in a place where I can't be who I really am. I want to find my inner me, and make that person rule over everything else. I know I can do it, but I just find it hard that when I have to try and make it squirm through all the problems, conflicts arise every single time I try it. People who look at me as if I were insane, eyes that stare, bodies that move away, people who feel awkwardly uncomfortable, hands and shoulders that move restlessly away. Everything happens as soon as all this goes by.
Sometimes, the fact of bringing myself to reality, and the person that resides deep in my conscience, makes the people who are close to me move closer, and those who do not know me are wary, but as I am open and have no problem in bringing them close to me, I do just that, and they do. Opening to the world is like creating a magnet inside of you, and makes you happier, makes you feel better.
Right now, I cannot say I am happy. Because I am not, and every minute that goes by does not help either; it just makes it worse.
I want to find myself the way I once did. I want to see if I can. I want to smile again, but before that, I want to talk to someone who can understand me. Nobody seems to be in that situation right now, so I have noone. I just wish so much that I would.
Jan 10, 2013
The delight of being alive.
One night after another. One that precedes the next, and the next preceded by this night. Moments, seconds, hours, days, months, years. Time. A measurement. A mere second in what will come next, what we will go towards. The moment which we cannot control our senses, our destiny, our emotions. The second we discover we are infinite. We are infinite. We are what we choose to be, and what we decide. We love the way we think we deserve to be loved, and so do others. The night is back, and we do not know where we are headed, what we are looking for.
Imagine living in a moment between the beginning of the end and the end of time. A fraction of a second that makes you focus, concentrate, meditate on that thought. A moment of daylight when nighttime is not to be seen for a long moment. Imagine that - for that one second - you've got everything, everything you've ever wanted. Still, there is a certain hole, a blackness you cannot explain to yourself or others. There it is, waiting, holding its ground for you to remember it, to consider why you think you have everything. You believe in that thought, you ponder over it, and open your mind once again, trying to focus on your happiness, and not the emptiness you feel. The day begins to fade away, leaving twilight to show, and eventually it is nighttime. Darkness shows itself again, one more time, reminding you of that second in time where you found a void in your life. The hollowness you feel in your chest weighs on your body, your heart, and depletes you. Your back arches to the front trying to fight it, but all you get in response is a word. A simple word which has more meaning and power than anything anyone can ever imagine. A word that fills anyone with possibilities, a future, and happiness for ever and always. You concentrate, focus, on that word, silently. In that short second, in that moment, everything just happened. Everything is what you've just witnessed. It is all that has an ability to shake your world apart, and reconstruct it in that second, in that exact moment when you cannot control anything anymore. Nighttime fades and the sun begins to shine, the clouds clear after a rainy night, a rainy moment, where tears flooded your cheeks, and blinded your eyes. What you did not notice is that even in nighttime, light shines. A light that has an intensity to fly for years across any void, any emptiness, any moment. As the day floods your eyes, and fills them again with joy, you hear the loud cry. Yes, it calls. Yes, is all you hear again and again. That word makes you believe, makes you glad you are alive, just so that you can hear it. YES is the word that had you waking from that black vastness, letting you out of the hole you were deep into. Keeping you awake now that it can, and making you shine once again. The torso you had left bent over your legs, straightens from the back, letting your body, your life, shine once again in that fraction of a moment, during the last second of time. You understand the meaning now, and look up to the sky and watch as the air opens up and greets you with light smiles and breezy happiness as it once promised it would. You feel the tug at the sides of your lips, and give in to a grin that produces light by itself, the light you have been waiting to see. Gladly, you soak your body in that happiness, and wish everyone to have the same you have witnessed, you have had, in this second, this moment, this last fraction of time in your life: the delight of being alive.
Imagine living in a moment between the beginning of the end and the end of time. A fraction of a second that makes you focus, concentrate, meditate on that thought. A moment of daylight when nighttime is not to be seen for a long moment. Imagine that - for that one second - you've got everything, everything you've ever wanted. Still, there is a certain hole, a blackness you cannot explain to yourself or others. There it is, waiting, holding its ground for you to remember it, to consider why you think you have everything. You believe in that thought, you ponder over it, and open your mind once again, trying to focus on your happiness, and not the emptiness you feel. The day begins to fade away, leaving twilight to show, and eventually it is nighttime. Darkness shows itself again, one more time, reminding you of that second in time where you found a void in your life. The hollowness you feel in your chest weighs on your body, your heart, and depletes you. Your back arches to the front trying to fight it, but all you get in response is a word. A simple word which has more meaning and power than anything anyone can ever imagine. A word that fills anyone with possibilities, a future, and happiness for ever and always. You concentrate, focus, on that word, silently. In that short second, in that moment, everything just happened. Everything is what you've just witnessed. It is all that has an ability to shake your world apart, and reconstruct it in that second, in that exact moment when you cannot control anything anymore. Nighttime fades and the sun begins to shine, the clouds clear after a rainy night, a rainy moment, where tears flooded your cheeks, and blinded your eyes. What you did not notice is that even in nighttime, light shines. A light that has an intensity to fly for years across any void, any emptiness, any moment. As the day floods your eyes, and fills them again with joy, you hear the loud cry. Yes, it calls. Yes, is all you hear again and again. That word makes you believe, makes you glad you are alive, just so that you can hear it. YES is the word that had you waking from that black vastness, letting you out of the hole you were deep into. Keeping you awake now that it can, and making you shine once again. The torso you had left bent over your legs, straightens from the back, letting your body, your life, shine once again in that fraction of a moment, during the last second of time. You understand the meaning now, and look up to the sky and watch as the air opens up and greets you with light smiles and breezy happiness as it once promised it would. You feel the tug at the sides of your lips, and give in to a grin that produces light by itself, the light you have been waiting to see. Gladly, you soak your body in that happiness, and wish everyone to have the same you have witnessed, you have had, in this second, this moment, this last fraction of time in your life: the delight of being alive.
Jan 6, 2013
Life. It's like a boiling pot, where I'm the tomato sauce bubbling inside it.
What the hell is wrong with me? I go back and forth. I get up and sit back down. I look forward, but then want to look back again. Can't I stay still and look at where I'm standing right now? God Almighty. What is this? Although, I still need to look forward -a close future- and smile about it, because I still can.
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