Home.

I want to find my home. The place where I can find myself, the place where I can feel identified. My place. I can't seem to get close to where I want to be, to where I want to exist, and transform into what I really am; ME. I want to be able to smile at the sky, open my mouth and let raindrops fall into it, run under showers of pouring rain, and cry whenever I want to. I want to be able to shift personalities whenever I feel like snapping at anyone, of suddenly grin at that same person. I want to be able to do those things without being judged, without being looked at strangely, without being stared at. I want to smile and cry and be aggressive  mad, then laugh again, shout, scream. I want to be able to do everything I want to do, whenever I want to do it.
But labels stop me from it. I can't act that way in a world that is ruled by prejudice, and labels from everyone. I find it very hard to find myself in a place where I can't be who I really am. I want to find my inner me, and make that person rule over everything else. I know I can do it, but I just find it hard that when I have to try and make it squirm through all the problems, conflicts arise every single time I try it. People who look at me as if I were insane, eyes that stare, bodies that move away, people who feel awkwardly uncomfortable, hands and shoulders that move restlessly away. Everything happens as soon as all this goes by.
Sometimes, the fact of bringing myself to reality, and the person that resides deep in my conscience, makes the people who are close to me move closer, and those who do not know me are wary, but as I am open and have no problem in bringing them close to me, I do just that, and they do. Opening to the world is like creating a magnet inside of you, and makes you happier, makes you feel better.
Right now, I cannot say I am happy. Because I am not, and every minute that goes by does not help either; it just makes it worse.
I want to find myself the way I once did. I want to see if I can. I want to smile again, but before that, I want to talk to someone who can understand me. Nobody seems to be in that situation right now, so I have noone. I just wish so much that I would.